Melissa Hoppe
Founder, Teal Family Mediation
I’m here to help your family transition to a future you can look forward to.
Prior to becoming a family mediator, I had a decade of experience representing clients both in and out of court in all areas of family law. As a result of my professional experience, and my personal experience as a child of divorce, I understand the financial and emotional devastation that often results from interaction with the family law system. I decided it was time to do things differently.
PROFESSIONAL QUALIFICATIONS / MEMBERSHIPS
Member of the Law Society of Ontario
OAFM Associate Member (Ontario Association of Family Mediators)
OACP Member (Ontario Association of Collaborative Professionals)
Collaborative Practice Hamilton-Halton Member
EDUCATION / TRAINING
B.Sc.(Psych), University of Western Ontario
L.L.B, University of Western Ontario
CERTIFICATES IN:
Family Mediation, Advanced Family Mediation, Family Relations
Screening for Domestic Violence and Power Imbalances
Level One and Level Two Collaborative Family Law
Basic Parenting Coordination
Master Practitioner Level Transformational Coaching and Evolved Neuro-linguistic Programming
Trauma Aware Coaching
Social Impact Awareness
Q&A with Melissa
Q: What does mediation mean to you?
Mediation is a voluntary process where parties work together with a neutral facilitator to reach consensual decisions and resolve disputes themselves, without deferring to a third party to make a decision for them.
The process empowers participants to take personal accountability, see the other's perspective, and respectfully communicate with one another to arrive at mutually agreeable solutions that meet the needs, goals, and future interests of both participants - as opposed to either helplessly or critically blaming the other and trying to “win” the outcome they want, which can perpetuate conflict for years or even a lifetime following separation.
Q: What do you think are the biggest misconceptions about mediation?
That mediators make decisions for parties.
And also, that one lawyer mediator can act for both parties to arrive at a separation agreement (this is a conflict of interest, so in a mediator role a lawyer cannot give legal advice to either party and it is always recommended that each party obtain independent legal advice from his or her own lawyer before entering into a legally binding separation agreement).
Q: How to see your role as a mediator?
“ I’m the neutral facilitator of the mediation process. My role is not to judge either party, but rather to facilitate open and respectful communication between the participants so they can resolve their issues themselves.”
This involves creating the space for parties to directly or indirectly communicate with one another, and also asking curious questions of the participants myself to better understand what underlies their positions and as part of the process of exploring and uncovering resolutions.
I also understand the issues that arise from separation and the process of arriving at an agreement is unfamiliar for most mediation participants, and I see myself as a knowledgeable guide who can use my experience as a former family lawyer to assist participants in identifying the issues to be resolved and when required assisting in generating options for resolution participants may not have otherwise thought of on their own.
Q: How does what you do benefit families?
In mediation, "win-win" solutions are possible so no one has to "lose".
It reduces conflict. It saves money. It saves time.
Mediation allows for creative solutions, and doesn't force families into one-size fits all outcomes. It gives parties autonomy to make their own decisions.
Mediation can also help to improve communication between separating spouses to better assist them in working together in the future - critical skills for co-parents. As a trauma aware professional familiar with the potential detrimental impact of separation on children, the benefits of supporting parents in working together for the benefit of their children cannot be overstated.
But it is not only couples with young children who benefit from mediation. Often spouses without children or those with adult children continue to have some contact with another as a result of mutual friendships, ties to extended family or other shared community relations.
When separating couples can respectfully share space and problem solve together through the mediation process, that experience can translate into being more comfortable to be in the same room together in the future - think holidays, celebrations, graduations, weddings and funerals - and working together to resolve any future issues that may arise.
I also like to think mediation helps people to have a more positive outlook on their futures - rather that living in the toxic stew of contempt that is commonly present in legal battles, I believe parties who reach a resolution feel more confident, empowered and optimistic the future for themselves and their children.
Q: What do you like most about what you do as a mediator?
The best part of the role is witnessing the transformation that can take place in participants as they move through the process. It is common that when you first meet with participants they are feeling sad, angry, anxious or even in denial about their separation and by the end of the process an observable shift often takes place as participants accept their circumstances and express more confidence and optimism about the future.
I also really love the neutral role I get to play in assisting both parties in reaching a resolution. As a mediator I am never required to take a side or advocate for the interests of one party over the other. This allows me to view the family’s circumstances from a higher perspective, where I am able to hold compassionate, non-judgemental space for the perspectives of both participants and to really see the best in both parties. It is incredibly rewarding to do this when in return, the participants can see the best in one another and themselves.
Q: Why did you decide to become a mediator?
The short answer is to help people.
The long answer is I went to law school to help people too. And I believe I did help people in my role as a family lawyer. But along the line I experienced a shift in my own values and my perspective on the family court system changed. I began to see that while the system was built on good intentions and serves an important purpose in certain circumstances, generally taking an adversarial approach to resolving family disputes does more harm than good. So, I wanted to use my knowledge and experience to help separating families in a better way. Serving as a mediator feels aligned and authentic to me.
I also like to believe the benefits of the mediation services I provide through Teal benefit the participants and their entire family, but also ripple further outwards and are contributing to reshaping the family justice system and the way our society responds to separation and divorce.